Is There Life After the End of a Long Marriage?
One man's journey to find a new life after the break-up of a marriage of more then 20 years.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Showgirls, Strippers & Exotic Dancers
Part 1
It's been 7 strange years since my wife and I split-up and a soap opera would be hard pressed to match the changes and the drama that my life has taken on since then.
Initially, I played, and played hard. Feeling somewhat rejected I started spending alot of time at the local strip clubs. There was an element of honesty about it that must have appealed to me then. You pay for the feminine companionship for the amount of time that you want it, and then you go home. After a while though you get to talking to the girls on a personal level and find that they aren't really that different than you are. Some of them were so beautiful that I probably wouldn't have approached them outside of the club environment. So many men have this idealized view of strippers and showgirls that just isn't true. Without their costumes, makeup, high heels and the subdued lighting of the club they look like most other girls. Sure, they were after my money. After all, to most of them it was just a job. (Some do get into the social aspects of the job where it does become a lifestyle. And an addictive one at that). A way to pay the bills. But after getting to know them and becoming familiar with their lives away from work, things start to change.
There is a funny thing about strippers. You are viewed as "the customer". A source of income. If you are a "regular" of a particular stripper you are even guarded by that girl against the advances of other strippers. In some cases I have seen real fights breakout. But usually no matter how much you try you will rarely be admitted to that exclusive company or status of "dating material". I did find a way around this.
Strip clubs by their very nature have a large turn-over. Girls come and girls go. Some leave the job and the lifestyle. Some get married and quit due to pressure from their new husbands, (few of which ever feel completely comfortable with their spouses taking off their clothes for other men), and still others simply haven't got what it takes to make it as a Showgirl. Either they can't pull off a decent performance on stage, they can't take the pressure of family to quit, or they can't deal with the clientele. Though each new girl is indoctrinated on the rules of conduct they are still human and can sometimes be persuaded to meet you for a lunch date in a public place they feel is safe if you have impressed them as being a gentleman and a likable guy in general.
Often once you date one dancer, and if she socializes in after work parties, meetings for breakfast at 4am or just a soak in the hot tub to ease the aches and pains that are part and parcel of the dancers life, everything changes. You are now part of that inner-circle of men who are no longer considered "customers". Some may even continue to be customers in the club but most have rules that no husbands or boyfriends may continue to frequent the club if their girlfriend/wives work there. Some couples are smart enough to keep it a secret from the management, but most cannot. There are few secrets in a strip club and someone will soon rat you out.
But on to that "inner circle" thing. Having dated one dancer and socialized with other dancers working at the club, even if you now break-up with that dancer you are now considered "dating/boyfriend" material by the others.
Sometimes the real jackpot comes in strange forms. My first dancer girlfriend was 19 years old and a bi-sexual. I was 47 at the time. Threesomes for us were not unusual, they were in fact, the norm. Often she would bring other dancers or barmaids home with her who were usually straight, but bi-curious. There is something about the environment of a strip club that seems to bring out the bi-curious nature of women in general, and dancers in particular. On many occasions my 4 person hot tub was jammed with five, six, or more naked beautiful women, and me with the only penis in sight. There was no jealousy from my girlfriend, she was just as attracted to the girl-soup layed out before us as I was and we both feasted upon them at will. She was a good girl and devoted to me, but like so many other dancers she had a problem with drugs and alcohol which eventually lead to our break-up.
Now this is the strange part to me. Often when you divorce a woman, her half of the family divorces you also. Particularly true when she quickly replaces you. The new guy takes your place in their hearts and minds. Never mind the time that you bailed her nephew out of jail for joy-riding, never mind the personal loan that you wrote off to her sister and husband, never mind taking in her juvenile delinquent cousin and being a father to him when his own mother threw him out. These lapses in judgment are quickly forgotten, as are you! The dancers in your little social club not only take you in, but are now quick to say yes when you ask them out.
Dancers usually work horrible hours which sometimes makes it difficult to meet people for social dating. And since dating customers is taboo, (usually), you are now Mr. Available. Mind you, you can't be a prick, a user or a loser, (scratch that last one, some can), but if you are a genuinely sincere guy who makes half an attempt to be sensitive to their needs, (as well as your own), you will probably be up to your armpits in beautiful women. It doesn't even matter if you are good looking or not, fat or bald, rich or poor or even good in bed. In fact, in my experience poor guys seem to do better. And judging by the staggering number of dancers who have confided to me to have never had an orgasm, the good in bed thing must hold some truth as well. (I used to relish the challenge of those girls). Note: Since most 20-something girls date 20-something guys, most of these girls were sleeping with selfish kids who won't really care about pleasing a woman for another decade or so. Don't get indignant guys. You may be the exception. I know I was!
Most dancers I have known are "bum magnets"! Some guys may not even start out that way. Waiting up til 4 or 5 am for your woman to come home makes it hard to hold a day job for some. The money the girl makes is often substantially more than he makes so he can justify dissing his job which was getting to be a hassle anyway with his boss getting on his case for coming in late. Often with the complete support of the girl going to work to now support him, herself and often a child or more. I knew one dancer who was the sole support of her husband, her three children and her live-in mother-in-law. She took it all in stride and even maintained a sunny disposition!
But to be fair, there are those exceptional relationships even in the world of showgirls. I have known couples that truly have it together. The man makes good money but as a couple they want more out of life and use the extra money to finance their dreams of a college education, travel, new cars, jetskis, and in some cases, even fund an IRA! I myself, always had my own money. My dancer girlfriends sometimes quit working and let me support them, but would often go in to work the occasional shift just to meet and be with old friends. The "life" can be hard to leave.
Coming in next post; Part 2
Old Strippers Never Die... They Just Go to Dayshift
It's been 7 strange years since my wife and I split-up and a soap opera would be hard pressed to match the changes and the drama that my life has taken on since then.
Initially, I played, and played hard. Feeling somewhat rejected I started spending alot of time at the local strip clubs. There was an element of honesty about it that must have appealed to me then. You pay for the feminine companionship for the amount of time that you want it, and then you go home. After a while though you get to talking to the girls on a personal level and find that they aren't really that different than you are. Some of them were so beautiful that I probably wouldn't have approached them outside of the club environment. So many men have this idealized view of strippers and showgirls that just isn't true. Without their costumes, makeup, high heels and the subdued lighting of the club they look like most other girls. Sure, they were after my money. After all, to most of them it was just a job. (Some do get into the social aspects of the job where it does become a lifestyle. And an addictive one at that). A way to pay the bills. But after getting to know them and becoming familiar with their lives away from work, things start to change.
There is a funny thing about strippers. You are viewed as "the customer". A source of income. If you are a "regular" of a particular stripper you are even guarded by that girl against the advances of other strippers. In some cases I have seen real fights breakout. But usually no matter how much you try you will rarely be admitted to that exclusive company or status of "dating material". I did find a way around this.
Strip clubs by their very nature have a large turn-over. Girls come and girls go. Some leave the job and the lifestyle. Some get married and quit due to pressure from their new husbands, (few of which ever feel completely comfortable with their spouses taking off their clothes for other men), and still others simply haven't got what it takes to make it as a Showgirl. Either they can't pull off a decent performance on stage, they can't take the pressure of family to quit, or they can't deal with the clientele. Though each new girl is indoctrinated on the rules of conduct they are still human and can sometimes be persuaded to meet you for a lunch date in a public place they feel is safe if you have impressed them as being a gentleman and a likable guy in general.
Often once you date one dancer, and if she socializes in after work parties, meetings for breakfast at 4am or just a soak in the hot tub to ease the aches and pains that are part and parcel of the dancers life, everything changes. You are now part of that inner-circle of men who are no longer considered "customers". Some may even continue to be customers in the club but most have rules that no husbands or boyfriends may continue to frequent the club if their girlfriend/wives work there. Some couples are smart enough to keep it a secret from the management, but most cannot. There are few secrets in a strip club and someone will soon rat you out.
But on to that "inner circle" thing. Having dated one dancer and socialized with other dancers working at the club, even if you now break-up with that dancer you are now considered "dating/boyfriend" material by the others.
Sometimes the real jackpot comes in strange forms. My first dancer girlfriend was 19 years old and a bi-sexual. I was 47 at the time. Threesomes for us were not unusual, they were in fact, the norm. Often she would bring other dancers or barmaids home with her who were usually straight, but bi-curious. There is something about the environment of a strip club that seems to bring out the bi-curious nature of women in general, and dancers in particular. On many occasions my 4 person hot tub was jammed with five, six, or more naked beautiful women, and me with the only penis in sight. There was no jealousy from my girlfriend, she was just as attracted to the girl-soup layed out before us as I was and we both feasted upon them at will. She was a good girl and devoted to me, but like so many other dancers she had a problem with drugs and alcohol which eventually lead to our break-up.
Now this is the strange part to me. Often when you divorce a woman, her half of the family divorces you also. Particularly true when she quickly replaces you. The new guy takes your place in their hearts and minds. Never mind the time that you bailed her nephew out of jail for joy-riding, never mind the personal loan that you wrote off to her sister and husband, never mind taking in her juvenile delinquent cousin and being a father to him when his own mother threw him out. These lapses in judgment are quickly forgotten, as are you! The dancers in your little social club not only take you in, but are now quick to say yes when you ask them out.
Dancers usually work horrible hours which sometimes makes it difficult to meet people for social dating. And since dating customers is taboo, (usually), you are now Mr. Available. Mind you, you can't be a prick, a user or a loser, (scratch that last one, some can), but if you are a genuinely sincere guy who makes half an attempt to be sensitive to their needs, (as well as your own), you will probably be up to your armpits in beautiful women. It doesn't even matter if you are good looking or not, fat or bald, rich or poor or even good in bed. In fact, in my experience poor guys seem to do better. And judging by the staggering number of dancers who have confided to me to have never had an orgasm, the good in bed thing must hold some truth as well. (I used to relish the challenge of those girls). Note: Since most 20-something girls date 20-something guys, most of these girls were sleeping with selfish kids who won't really care about pleasing a woman for another decade or so. Don't get indignant guys. You may be the exception. I know I was!
Most dancers I have known are "bum magnets"! Some guys may not even start out that way. Waiting up til 4 or 5 am for your woman to come home makes it hard to hold a day job for some. The money the girl makes is often substantially more than he makes so he can justify dissing his job which was getting to be a hassle anyway with his boss getting on his case for coming in late. Often with the complete support of the girl going to work to now support him, herself and often a child or more. I knew one dancer who was the sole support of her husband, her three children and her live-in mother-in-law. She took it all in stride and even maintained a sunny disposition!
But to be fair, there are those exceptional relationships even in the world of showgirls. I have known couples that truly have it together. The man makes good money but as a couple they want more out of life and use the extra money to finance their dreams of a college education, travel, new cars, jetskis, and in some cases, even fund an IRA! I myself, always had my own money. My dancer girlfriends sometimes quit working and let me support them, but would often go in to work the occasional shift just to meet and be with old friends. The "life" can be hard to leave.
Coming in next post; Part 2
Old Strippers Never Die... They Just Go to Dayshift
D.A. Wright, 11:17 AM
1 Comments:
This is a really interesting post. Good luck with your life! :)
